should these titles be more clickbait-y?
i.e., you won't BELIEVE what this pigeon said about you!
A LIL ANNOONCE
First of all, deep thank you for being here. I know there’s at least two to three other things available on the Internet at any given time.
I am extremely easily overwhelmed by emails. Yet I went ahead and signed up for too many of these SqubSmacks myself and am now…you guessed it…defeated, ashamed, and, as always, peckish.
SOooooOooooo, after much thought (one thought actually), this thing will now be MONTHLY for FREE subscribers, but continue as WEEKLY for PAID subscribers. If you’re in the first group, I will change up what week I send you something each month, grab-bag style.
If you are not in a position to pay for whatever reason, but you would still like a weekly blap slammed out from my dumb hand carrots, just email me at aparna@substack.com and we will figure something out!
AND NOW FOR YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PLORP:
I was so tired today I forgot how to tie a knot.
I was attempting the creation of a DIY cat toy at home. All that means is I tie pieces of random assorted strings to each other until one or both of my feline employers feel moved by my latest innovation in rope.
I got to the step where I had crossed two different pieces of thread and…
I just choked.
I could not for the life of me remember what I had to do next.
Then, an epiphany!
I uncrossed them. But no, that was definitely not only wrong, but the wrongest way forward in how to tie a knot.
Then I re-crossed them again and threw in a little come on, you got this, BABE (I call myself babe when I need that extra kick of Confi-D).
Thus began a loop involving the above actions over and over.
If I’d been in one of those movies where I was trying to defuse a bomb in time, I would have been all, “Sorry guys, case of the Mondays!!!” as I took an early lunch.
I eventually cracked my string theory (it was extremely anticlimactic like this story), but the bosses still had to have a talk with me about my napping habits.
(I’m not napping enough. They both sleep for 16 hours a day. The workplace culture here is ruthless.)
I actually read at least one article a week that says we as a people are sleep-deprived and / or lonely.
I’m not sure what to do about the loneliness seeing as how I have decided to start sending out a newsletter in the hopes of human connection.
But who is sleeping enough?
I am in the extremely rare and privileged position to be a self-employed creator who has more control over my schedule than many. I can also tell you that for sure most of the time I’m sleeping like a newborn—very badly, as if just yanked from a warm bath.
Actually, can you believe two of the first things that happen to you directly after emerging in the world are being measured and weighed?! As if showing up bearing the exact likeness of an angry walnut was not enough indignity.
Alright, this post is short(er) because I don’t want these newsletters to feel daunting. I want them to be like gummy vitamins, soft and debatably good for you.
THE WEAKEST LINK
Huge news for me. My mother has now subscribed to this newsletter.
I only know this because she sent me this text:
“can’t sign into Substack after subscription”
Does anyone want to take this one?
My brain short-circuits whenever I even think about beginning a response.
AND NOW…as vaguely promised, for the angel investors last week:
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